So it begins...the life of "Pink Hope"

I read a lot of blogs. I've noticed that most people keep their blogs available to internet strangers, but not to friends and family. I'm going to use this blog to tell my secrets, but I don't plan to keep it private forever. Just temporarily...

Let's start at the beginning...I recently turned 25, I've been very happily married for over 2 years, and I work, a lot, from home for my brother's web design company. I used to teach kindergarten, and some days I miss it a lot. Other days I'm glad I can wear PJs to work. :) For fun I love to exercise, read, shop, knit, travel, and explore the city. All in all, a really great life! But do you wonder sometimes why your ENTIRE life can't be great? Like, there needs to be at least one aspect that isn't quite right? Like you can't have EVERYTHING you want?

I don't think I'm an overly private person, but I've been keeping a big secret for a long time. A secret that hurts more with each month that passes, because we're missing out on something that almost everyone around us seems to get easily. To those of you who don't get it, asking someone "When are you going to have kids?" is tactless, and rude. And for some of us, incredibly painful, because we've been trying for quite a long time.

We've been trying to have a baby for almost 15 months. We want this more than anything, our friends are starting to have babies, our families always ask and hint at it, and every single comment, although innocent, is extremely painful.

We started seeing an infertility specialist in August and are going through treatments. So far, nothing too invasive, but we'll likely move onto that soon. To be blunt: it sucks. It is stressful, invasive, time consuming, and starting to get expensive. And it's also hard to always be sneaking around, getting up at 6 to go get bloodwork done before my work day begins.

But, why is infertility (IF) such a SECRET?! It's estimated that 15% of couples deal with this, and no one talks about it. People feel ashamed when they have problems because it is something no one talks about. And I think that's really unfair. We're keeping it a secret, for NOW, because we want our families to be surprised when it happens. But that doesn't mean IF should be something that people are embarassed about. It is easier to deal with something like this if you know you are not alone, and most people struggle with IF ALONE. Many tell friends and family only to hear hurtful comments like, "Oh, you just need to relax and it will happen" or "why don't you just adopt?" Comments like this are worse than not saying anything.

I've told my wonderful sister-in-law, because I can trust her, and one long distance friend.

When it does finally happen for us, we will "come out" about our IF struggle. I want other people to know that they are not alone...who knows how many friends or family members we have who have dealt with this secretly?

Anyway, this blog will be about my life...and hopefully someday about pregnancy and parenthood. I will make it public when I'm ready to. So friends and family, when you're reading this, it means I'm ready to stop keeping secrets!

Love to you all!

- Pink Hope