Time for a Change.

As you know, my job isn't the right fit for me and I've known it for awhile. I turned down a job I REALLY wanted this year because I thought I'd be PG by now. Of course, life doesn't care about your plans, and I've been thinking and talking to people lately about the fact that I can't put my life on hold anymore just because my body is broken. The sad part is, I TRULY believe that the excessive stress from my job is the reason my body is acting so strangely. So it's a complicated situation.

Anyway, talked to mom and Joe about it today (well, not about the infertility part) -- and we're starting to feel out a replacement for me. This person will start part-time April 1st and go full-time September 1st.

I hope to retain some very small part time responsibilities for a small $ -- which will be super helpful when I'm staying at home with a baby.

If I'm still not KU in August (which would be SUPER depressing), I'll take a full-time teaching job for 2010-2011. If I am PG, I will pursue part-time opportunities to make a few $ until the baby comes, and then I'll be a stay at home mom with hopefully a bit of income from Joe.

I'm sure Joe is disappointed, but I don't think he understands the way this job is affecting me physically and mentally.

I made a list of pros and cons today.

Pros:
1) Love being home
2) Can get laundry, etc. done
3) Don't have to worry about work clothes
4) Can Travel
5) Don't have to wake up early if I'm tired
6) Can go out to lunch
7) Feel very productive most days
8) Good at my job - very good at multi-tasking

Cons:
1) Work way too much
2) Small staff means no one to cover for me when I'm away
3) Extremely limited time off, and time off means work is piling up -- hard to ever really RELAX
4) Web design is not my passion - do not enjoy sitting in front of a computer for 10 hours/day, feels unhealthy
5) REALLY miss being with kids all day, they're way more fun than adults
6) Joe is very moody :/
7) Lack of social relationships you get at work -- I miss my work friends
8) Can't see a time when workload will get lighter, it only increases
9) I'm slaving away to pay company debts, not to make more $
10) Make more $ per hour teaching (considering the 3 months off per year)
11) Overall feeling that this isn't what I'm meant to do with my life
12) Clients are ridiculously needy, and I deal with too many of them
13) Between invoicing, managing accounts, dealing with vendors, managing freelancers, email support, managing Joe’s schedule/life, keeping track of leads, writing proposals, dealing with mail/bills, ETC I feel like I’m doing the work of 4 people.
14) The stress of this job is affecting me physically
15) Feel like Andy in The Devil Wears Prada

Needless to say, I feel good about this. Not having a baby is not a good reason to wait this out. Just having a date in mind makes me feel like this isn't forever and that life won't always be this hard.

I guess the bottom line is that infertility brings me enough problems, I can't deal with Joe's and everyone else's problems on top of my own -- it's just too much for one person to handle.